"Never Help a Child"

“Never help a child with a task at which he ✨feels✨ he can succeed” - Maria Montessori

Notice how I highlighted the word “feels”?

It’s easy to let children do tasks where we both know they will be successful… but what about the ones where they likely won’t be?

This can be particularly hard for adults for two reasons:

1️⃣ Adults are typically more solution oriented than kids. We’re so focused on the end goal, but kids don’t think like that. They don’t need to be rushed to complete a task more quickly, or to have us takeover. The process is what’s important. That’s where the magic is!

2️⃣ We’re trying to be nice! It’s not always a great feeling to see our kids struggling. But remember to trust the process. If we constantly jump in, our kids aren’t actually learning anything. 

➡️ Why is this important?

We want to rase persistent kids. Kids with growth mindsets who aren’t afraid to make mistakes. Kids who see the value in the process.

💛 If we help our children with every task, we’re limiting their independence. Both in their physical capability and in their mindset.

👤Instead of: “Let me help you carry all those blocks!”

✨Try: *Say nothing. Let him figure out how many he can hold at once and come back for the rest*

💛Why it matters: If we jump in when things get tricky, we’re not allowing them to think critically and to problem solve. Sometimes things don’t go as planned - how can they pivot?

👤Instead of: “Let me help you put those puzzle pieces together”

✨Try: “Hmm, it looks like that piece doesn’t fit there. Maybe there’s a smaller piece that would work better?”

💛Why it matters: Problem solving mindset. When things get tough we want them to be able to keep trying new strategies and work through the frustration. Gently guiding them (when needed) is a lot more beneficial then telling them what to do.

👤Instead of: “I’ll pour that for you”

✨Try: “It looks like a little spilled. Let’s clean it up together”

💛Why it matters: Growth mindset. Spills happen! Rarely in life are we able to do something perfectly the first time we try - even as adults. And that’s ok!

💛 As with most things in parenting - raising capable kids is a long game 💛