Don't Hug Kids... Unless They Want You To

It seems fine... We’re showing them it’s polite to hug Grandma hello! That it’s nice to kiss Auntie on the cheek!

➡️ But what are we really teaching them?

That other people can touch their body even if they feel uncomfortable.

Making someone else feel happy or being polite overrides how they feel.

💛 Consent is giving others permission to interact with our bodies. And it’s a skill that can be practiced and modelled very early on.

Don’t hug him… unless he wants you to.

Instead of this:

👤 Give Grandad a hug hello!

👤 Auntie needs a kiss on the cheek before we leave.

👤 Grandma wants you to sit on her lap.

Try this:

✨ Would you like to give Grandad a hug, or wave hello?

✨ Do you want to give Auntie a kiss?

✨ Where do you want to sit? Grandmas lap, or on the couch?

➡️ And this goes for parents too!

We practice consent at home multiple times a day:

✨ Would you like a hug?

✨ It looks like kitty wants some space right now. Let’s leave him alone.

✨ See how your baby brother is wiggling away? He’s letting you know he doesn’t want to be touched.

✨ I want to sit by myself. Would you like to sit beside me?

💛 The key? Accept their answer.

They want a hug! Cool! They don’t want a hug? Also cool!

➡️ “But it’s family/friends! It’s not a big deal!”

The thinking that someone being family overrides consent is super problematic for two reasons:

1️⃣ Less than 10% of child sexual abuse incidents were done by strangers (YWCA 2017).

So no, being family/friends does NOT override consent.

2️⃣ Other people don’t get to touch your child just because they think they are owed that.

➡️ Why is this important?

Because it’s setting the foundations for consent. I want my kids to be confident when they tell others not to touch their bodies. To know they don’t have to say yes “just to be polite”. That it IS a big deal when other people touch their bodies without consent.

As they get older this can look like:

✨ My date paid for dinner. I don’t have to kiss him if I don’t want to. I don’t owe him that.

✨ They looked uncomfortable when I leaned in for a kiss. I’ll stop.

✨ Last time I went to her house I wanted to have sex. I don’t want to tonight. I know she needs my consent every time.